To become one requires time, patience, and discernment. To live as one requires a greater love, faith and hope.
This is the best way I could describe my life as a Secular Discalced Carmelite.
Many might think that to live a life under the mantle of "religious life" is as easy as it may seem. Sad to say though it runs contrary.
In my own experience, I became even more prone to questioning rather than to simply live a life of obedience, far more to ask, than to simply live a life of poverty, and nearer to temptations rather than to simply live a life of chastity.
Oh yes, I'm human too, I can feel pain, loneliness, deprivation, resentment... and I think will continue to feel so, so long that I remain in this pilgrimage of life.
There are even times that I question the decisions that I had made in the past that led me to live my present life. Even though, I know that the path that I have taken was the path that He Himself had chosen for me...
Oh yes, I also err at times, not because I have lost my faith nor because I no longer intend to continue, but simply because, most of the time, things happens in a way that goes contrary to what I believe and relied upon to happen.
Yes, to live as one is not as easy as it may seem, but one thing that I do know is that, at the greatest time that I needed it most, there is always someone out there who always held His hand to catch me whenever I fall.
... who always says, "Sana Maging akin kang muli"
and I know that it will continue on, He started with me, way back before in my teenage years, formed and taught me, corrected me, allowed me to go on my way...
But even so, He always remained, followed me, and always held my hand at times when I even least expected.
Despite of my sinfulness, unworthiness, He was always there for me.
And this is the reason why, no matter how difficult it may seem to live a life of promise as a Carmelite Secular and vow as married man, I intend to continue on...
... Because I know, someone has Loved me before I was even born.
-Jov of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, OCDS
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